Azur Lane: The Tragic Admiral’s Azur Life

Chapter 965: Rebirth? Check your conscience in the mirror

The self in the mirror looked a little strange. Although he was facing the mirror, he suddenly realized that the clothes he was wearing in the mirror were different from those he was wearing now.

The clothes he is wearing now were altered by himself in Azur Lane using the clothes from his home port.

He initially wore a commercially available style, then changed to one made by the maids, and some time ago changed to a coat redesigned and made by Taiho.

However, the man in the mirror was wearing the uniform he wore in his previous world. If you look closely, you can see that their mental appearances are quite different. He now obviously looks better than the man in the mirror.

'Very surprised?'

Yang Sikang in the mirror asked.

Yang Sikang hesitated a little, but when he thought that this was just a scene in his heart, he felt relieved.

His body relaxed a little, he shook his head and replied:

“It’s just a little self-contradictory.”

"It's very common. You've been self-contradictory for a long time. Haha, it was like this before. You knew that Yubari was unwilling to do human experiments on you, but you still did it so many times. Yubari must have felt bad for making you look like a monster, but you still did it."

"There is no other way. In order to hold out longer and to end the war..."

'Isn't it because of those annoying noises?'

Yang Sikang choked for a moment, but he continued to speak calmly in the mirror:

"Their voices are very bewitching, and every time a ship sinks, you will be deeply shaken. You know their feelings for you, but because of the continuous human body transformation, you can't respond. "

"..."

'No way, you can't tell them that you are disappearing quickly, you must learn to show joy, show ease, learn to consciously control your facial expressions, so as not to let them find out that you can no longer feel any emotions except sadness and pain.'

“That’s the necessary price.”

'Is it really necessary?'

Yang Sikang looked at himself in the mirror. He didn't make any special movements. He just asked again gently and slowly:

'Is this really a necessary price?'

"..."

He did not answer his own question, but the person in the mirror continued:

'This is not a necessary price, it's just because you don't dare to respond. Because you are in danger, because you feel guilty, because you feel sorry for them. Those sacrificed ship girls can never come back, even if you can bear the curses and pain for them, they can't come back after all.

Just like you don’t dare to respond to the emotions of the ship girls in that world now, because you think that responding to them is unfair to others who have passed by.

You didn't respond to them back then, and this fact makes you afraid to respond to your current ship girls now.'

"..."

'It's better to admit frankly that you are just timid and afraid. You are afraid that if you suddenly disappear, it will make them suffer, because you know very well that if your love is not reciprocated, the grief will be multiplied when it is lost.'

"..."

'You are afraid of death.'

Yang Sikang lowered his head, covered his face with his hands and rubbed it hard several times.

He watched his movements quietly in the mirror and said calmly:

"What is the world of Azur Lane like?"

"……not bad."

"But you were completely unwilling to become a commander at first. Besides the fact that you wanted to go back at that time, was there any other reason?"

"I……"

You can fool others about many things, but you can't fool yourself.

Yang Sikang instinctively thought of many excuses, but when the words came to his lips and he looked at himself in the mirror, he swallowed them back.

If my current self were to face my past self, his excuses might have deceived others, but could they have deceived myself?

“I don’t want to be expected.”

Yang Sikang said somewhat dejectedly:

"I'm tired and don't want to fight anymore. But I can't accept being a commander without using my abilities. I can't turn a blind eye to the plight of others, but showing myself means more responsibility. I don't want to be a commander because I don't think I can bear the life and responsibility of a ship girl.

I have already screwed up everything in the other world, and if I shamelessly become a commander in this world, how will I explain to my former shipgirls when I die?"

'And yet you became the commander.'

"Because not repaying a favor also makes me painful, I can't accept that I have repeatedly and deliberately ignored Cleveland's help and expectations of me. In this case, I can only choose responsibility and try to do everything to the best of my ability..."

'You know you can't do your best.'

Yang Sikang laughed bitterly:

"Of course, I'm not Ange's assistant. There's nothing in the Mind Cube that belongs to me."

'Have you found your direction now?'

"Of course. I can't follow that path that is close to perfection, but I have a lot of special knowledge in my head. I have something that the person in the β experimental field doesn't have. These things that belong only to me can open up a path that belongs only to me."

"So what are you doing now? You are being cautious, looking ahead and behind, trying to take care of everything, but when you are busy, you can't take care of anything. There are already dozens of ship girls in your fleet, but even if you split yourself into two people, you can't take care of everyone. "

"I know."

"You know very well how the ship girls like Javelin and Belfast, who have been with you the longest, feel about you."

"Of course, I'm not made of wood."

'But you still don't dare to respond.'

After a brief silence, Yang Sikang raised his head and looked at himself in the mirror again. He smiled slightly in the mirror:

"In the previous world, you were not able to formally respond to the feelings of the ship girls even in the end. That unexpected ship-mounted nuclear bomb destroyed all your preparations, so you were unable to respond to them. Now you dare not respond to the ship girls in the world of Azur Lane?"

"If I respond to them casually, give them expectations and then disappoint them, then who am I?"

Yang Sikang's eyes were somewhat dim:

"I'm not even sure how long I can survive. Good Richard is obviously coming for me, and I'm the most attractive anomaly in this experimental field to the Siren. But once my secret is discovered by them, everything could be ruined. I'm like walking on a tightrope on a cliff. If I take a wrong step, I'll be doomed."

Yang Sikang sighed, hesitated for a moment, looked at himself in the mirror, and said in a deep voice:

"Although I feel sorry for them if I don't respond to their feelings, but if...if there really comes a day when I have to make a choice, at least the pain I cause them will be a little less, right?"

Yang Sikang in the mirror chuckled, said nothing, and spread his hands:

'You're kidding me, you know I'd say that.'

"Then just deceive yourself."

Yang Sikang laughed:

"If you are not prepared to die, you are not qualified to go to the battlefield. The ship girls are like this, so why shouldn't I, as a commander, do the same?"

'So you're just going to wait until everything is settled? Are you sure you can get it over with this time?'

“Not sure, but that won’t stop me from working on it.”

Yang Sikang laughed, and the tangled thoughts in his heart disappeared. He stood up and looked at his own eyes in the mirror:

"Every failure is a learning experience. What's more, my former shipgirls are still here, so I have the opportunity to take everything back. Anyway, I'm not sure how far I can go, so I might as well be greedy. The past and the future, I want them all, I'll take them all!"

'But there are a lot of people who don't want you to have your way.'

Yang Sikang grinned and said:

"Then... those who follow me will prosper!"

Yang Sikang in the mirror also stood up, stretched out his hand and pressed it on the mirror.

Yang Sikang also raised his hand, and the two hands pressed together through the mirror. Then the mirror seemed to disappear, and the two Yang Sikangs' hands were clasped together.

'That bastard stole something from me.'

"She will have to be returned to me sooner or later, and I will take back everything that belongs to me."

The mirror turned into a door. Yang Sikang pushed the door open and walked out, feeling dizzy.

The next second, he opened his eyes sharply, and saw the panicked Mavis and the worried Eldridge.

Seeing the surprised looks of the two, he forced a smile:

"Sorry for making you worry."

He stood up, took a quick look at the situation, and without even removing the needle from his hand, he quickly positioned his weapon and seized the opportunity to fire.

Then, he put on his communicator again and said in the channel:

"Don't worry, I'm still alive."